A Space For Losers, By Losers Issue 15 | April 2006
 
LOSER PERSONALITY TEST
Are you a born loser? A Poser? Or just Loser in Waiting? Take this quick test to find out.

As you answer, you'll accumulate loser points. And in the end, we'll all know what kind of loser you are. Good luck!

1. How do you roll?:





2. There's a strange smell in the air. What do you check first

  • The fridge
  • The news
  • The dog
  • Yourself

3. If the following bands were actual food products, which one would you eat?

  • Cake
  • Pearl Jam
  • Vanilla Ice
  • Blackalicious

4. Who's your inner George?





5. Your car has a flat. What do you do?

  • Have AAA change it, then drive around on that sad doughnut for 3 months
  • Change your own tire, then drive around on that sad doughnut for 6 months
  • Pull a MacGyver and build a new tire out of gum and a dream
  • Move on to the next one. That car was stolen anyway.

6. Which celebrity couple would you most like to mini-golf with?

  • TomKat
  • Brangelina
  • Bennifer II
  • Dolly Parton

7. Choose your rock?





8. What does happiness taste like?

  • Chocolate
  • The salty tears of joy
  • Bourbon on the rocks with a splash of bitters
  • Mother

9. You read that NASA believes Mars can support human life. What do you do?

  • Buy the first intra-system ticket out of here
  • Wait until Starbucks gets there, then relocate
  • Buy all the crater-front property you can get your hands on
  • Realize that NASA is just one T and a reorg away from "SANTA" and adjust your expectations accordingly

10. What does this shape remind you of?


  • An overweight owl
  • A hairy, sweaty back
  • Weeping grandmothers playing the mirror game
  • The Olsen twins fighting over a fat-free Wheat Thin

 

 
Note: This scientific survey has calculated your answers using the Heidelberg G Factor, a statistical equation designed for rating losers in a laboratory setting. We are not responsible for the results, or any denting of the frail human ego.