THIS WEEK’S LETTERS
Dear Perdy,
Judging from your bio, you and I are about the same age. And I’ve read in the tabloids that you, like me, have always been single. I’m wondering, first of all, if that’s true. Also, how do you stay so fit and young looking?
Curious in Kansas City
Dear KC-curious,
Oh darling, I’m blushing! This may surprise you, but Perdy has always been a one-woman show. No real reason, I guess. Sometimes that’s just the cards life deals us. As for staying fit and young, I owe it all to my Thigh Master. I love my Thigh Master thiiissss much! It keeps me warm on those long winter nights when I’m all alone with the TV.
It’s even more fun if you happen upon a “Three’s Company” marathon. Then you can pretend you’re Chrissy (played, of course, by Thigh Master spokesmodel Suzanne Sommers) and that you’ve finally given in to the charms of your clumsy yet adorable roommate, Jack Tripper.
Happy pumping,
Perdy
Dear Perdy,
I love chicken more than I should. My sister calls me “chicken head” all the time, and my mom gets really frustrated that I won’t eat any other kind of meat. What should I do?
Sincerely,
“Chicken Head” Pete
Dear Chicken Head,
Little sisters can be so mean, can’t they? I remember when my sister would tease me about the tattoo on my stomach. “Perdy looks like a convict!” “Perdy is gonna get really fat some day and her Tattoo is gonna look ridiculous.” Well, I showed her. I just tacked on “this much” to the end, and now my tat is a glorious statement of love to the entire world.
Oh, and stop eating so much chicken. You need more iron in your diet, and you definitely don’t want to catch the bird flu…
Perdy
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